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So I'm working on this fic
Dec. 5th, 2013 08:34 pmTechnically, I am finished with said fic. It's for Wild Wild West, so nobody get excited. I post those on AO3, where the people who have actually ever seen the show are (and by 'the people' I mean four or five of them- maybe as many as six!- but we'll get to that in a moment). Anyway, I just feel the need to rant about the fic a little- all y'all can feel free to pay no attention.
But if you want to pat me on the head and tell me it's all gonna be okay- or to get over myself and post it already- that would be nice.
Like I say, it's done. I just... I don't like it. I'm pretty sure there's technically nothing wrong with it, it's just dark, which isn't what I normally write, and it doesn't have a happy ending, which isn't what I normally read. I love a really well handled darkfic as much as the next person, but I have to be in a particular mood for it. And though it's my opinion that this fic has some good stuff in it, I wouldn't throw around the words 'really well handled' in its proximity.
Now, if this were larger fandom, I'd stick on the necessary tags and warnings and maybe an author's note that says, "I'm not entirely happy with this. Proceed at your own risk," and call it good. They're adults; they can look at the tags and warnings and decide whether they want to go there or not. Most fandoms have all kinds of writers and all kinds of readers and chances are good that if something motivated me to produce it there is at least one other person out there who would like to read it. But this is not a large fandom. There aren't a lot of people in it, and while it's had its moments in decades past you're lucky to get three new stories a month. And I wonder if maybe what few people are in it aren't a little desperate. Desperate enough to go there even when they don't really want to.
But I want to post it, because I've finally accepted that no amount of fiddling is going to make me like it, and yet I will keep fiddling as long as it remains unposted. I'm just unsure of myself. And I'm gonna be the first person to use the big scary bold 'major character death' archive warning. Now, I'm not the first person to write a fic with character death in it in this fandom- just the first on AO3. Even so, it's ground I'm not excited about breaking.
Okay, I'm done now. I do actually feel a bit better.
But if you want to pat me on the head and tell me it's all gonna be okay- or to get over myself and post it already- that would be nice.
Like I say, it's done. I just... I don't like it. I'm pretty sure there's technically nothing wrong with it, it's just dark, which isn't what I normally write, and it doesn't have a happy ending, which isn't what I normally read. I love a really well handled darkfic as much as the next person, but I have to be in a particular mood for it. And though it's my opinion that this fic has some good stuff in it, I wouldn't throw around the words 'really well handled' in its proximity.
Now, if this were larger fandom, I'd stick on the necessary tags and warnings and maybe an author's note that says, "I'm not entirely happy with this. Proceed at your own risk," and call it good. They're adults; they can look at the tags and warnings and decide whether they want to go there or not. Most fandoms have all kinds of writers and all kinds of readers and chances are good that if something motivated me to produce it there is at least one other person out there who would like to read it. But this is not a large fandom. There aren't a lot of people in it, and while it's had its moments in decades past you're lucky to get three new stories a month. And I wonder if maybe what few people are in it aren't a little desperate. Desperate enough to go there even when they don't really want to.
But I want to post it, because I've finally accepted that no amount of fiddling is going to make me like it, and yet I will keep fiddling as long as it remains unposted. I'm just unsure of myself. And I'm gonna be the first person to use the big scary bold 'major character death' archive warning. Now, I'm not the first person to write a fic with character death in it in this fandom- just the first on AO3. Even so, it's ground I'm not excited about breaking.
Okay, I'm done now. I do actually feel a bit better.
